Back in the nineties, my partner and pal Peter Nolan and I created a string of TV commercials for the Plumbing Council of Chicagoland. They were funny and boisterous thirty-second vignettes of folks interacting with non-union plumbers and getting fleeced.
I played “Crafty Al”, the sleazy non-union plumber in the spots, and Pete brought his trustworthy baritone voice-over skills from his many years on NBC News. We wanted to educate the public about the perils of hiring non-union labor, particularly plumbers. The spots were very popular across Chicagoland along with the catchphrase, “it’s a typical flamshooter”, which I heard shouted at me continually on the streets in those days. See the video below.
Nolan and I had a lot of fun with that campaign and we also learned quite a bit about Plumbers. Jerry Sullivan was the Business Manager of Local 130 in those days and he was a prophet as far as I’m concerned. Our friend Bob Ryan co-starred in the spots and he was then Executive Director of the Plumbing Council of Chicagoland. Working with them and the many plumbing contractors enlightened us to the wisdom, proficiency, and yes, very strong faith, of the many plumbers we met over the years.
That relationship has recently been re-awakened over the past year when my public charity, Hibernian Media, created our Irish American Labor Alliance with Jim Sweeney of Local 150 Operating Engineers, Kevin McLaughlin of The Mid America Carpenters Regional Council, and of course Jim Coyne of Local 130 Journeymen Plumbers Union. Each exudes the quiet confidence of tradesmen, comfortable in their own skins, skilled workers who specialize in a specific craft, typically trained via apprenticeships and on-the-job experience. They offer high-level expertise for construction or repair. They are men, and women of quality.
So I was ticked off when I read recently of third-rate comedian Jimmy Kimmell, (who obviously suffers from Trump Derangement Syndrome) making wise cracks about President Trump’s appointment on March 24th of Markwayne Mullin as the new United States Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), because of his background as a plumber.
Secretary Mullin has served as US Senator and Representative from Oklahoma. He took over his family’s business, Mullin Plumbing, at age 20 when his father fell ill, expanding it into one of the largest service companies in their state before entering politics. DHS responded to Kimmel’s remarks, defending Mullin’s “blue-collar roots”, as representing the best of America. Mullin is also a former undefeated professional MMA fighter and a citizen of the Cherokee Nation and the first Tribal citizen to serve as DHS Secretary.
He can kick your ass Jimmy, so watch your mouth weasel boy. Kimmell also is making cracks about the recent assassination attempt on President Trump as well as dissing First Lady Melania Trump!
Working with these guys: plumbers, carpenters, operating engineers has taught me the inherent dignity of hard work. I’ve been honored over the years to work with men and women who understand labor, in all its iterations, and how honest, and fulfilling that work can be, not only for those who do the work, but those of us who benefit from plumbers, carpenters, electricians, painters, landscapers, you name it. I have never liked Jimmy Kimmell.
His story triggered a fantasy of mine.
Stories of swift and decisive retribution from an elite squad of plumbers, carpenters, and operating engineers. The Irish American Labor Alliance refuses to respond to rumors that Kimmell’s home was recently surreptitiously invaded the other night while Kimmell was out snorting coke off his babysitters’ buttocks.
Evidently some sort of high-tech tactical team broke into Kimmell’s home in the dark of night and stealthily replaced the toilet plunger with a unique updated dagger-style plunger which was discovered in Kimmell’s rectum the morning after. Kimmell is not talking, but sources close to the investigation have leaked information about the plunger, nicknamed “the flamshooter”.
The entire operation was swift, and labelled “Kimmell Kamikaze Fury”, by insiders who remain nameless, although scuttlebutt points to the incredible knowledge and stealth of the operation that could only be put in motion by a triage of tradesmen, particularly pissed off plumbers, design savvy carpenters, and a huge crane operated by Local 150 engineers.
Cops said it all remains a mystery, particularly the unique design of a toilet plunger handle by the carpenters, and the rubber suction cup from plumbers. The entire operation was efficient and painless, except for Jimmy.
Albert Einstein famously said, “Plumbers protect the health of our nation.” He was made an honorary member of the Plumbers and Steamfitters Union in Washington, D.C., in 1949.
