Hooliganism
By
Mike Houlihan
Wanna know what heaven is like? Then come to Ireland with Skinny Sheahan and me this October.
Those of you who’ve been there know what I’m talking about. And those of you who’ve never been, well prepare to find the key to your soul.
Many of us are lucky enough to have ancestors who started in Ireland. This tiny island nation is where all our charm, beauty, poetry, and laughter began.
If you could meet your great great grandmother in the flesh, what would you say to her? Don’t worry about it because she would be doing most of the talking. Would you pass up the opportunity for her to take you in her arms and kiss you on both cheeks and then feed you and offer you a glass of something delightful?
I know you wouldn’t. So what are you waiting for? You could be dead soon and find yourself at the pearly gates and God will ask you, “Why didn’t you go to Ireland so you could touch the place from where your family started? Why did you keep putting it off? You could have gone with Skinny and Houli and a group of friends and had the time of your life, but no, you wanted to sit on your arse and watch the Bears stink up another season. You could have stayed in some of the Emerald Isle’s nicest hotels and traveled to Dublin, Galway, Ennis, Killarney in the Kingdom of Kerry, and back to Dublin again. But no, you wanted to stay in Chicago that week and watch your dog hump the futon in front of the TV. What is wrong with you?”
Then you’ll be sorry you didn’t go. And God will be very disappointed in you. He’ll tell you, “You must be daft! You had the opportunity to meet the ghosts of your ancestors, and Skinny and Houli’s pals Black Dave Cahill, Mike Monaghan, Jimmy Deenihan, the Irish Minister of Culture, and Niall “Botty” O’Callaghan, the former Mayor of Killarney, and tons of other wonderful Irish characters, and you didn’t go?”
What are you gonna tell Our Lord then? He might even add, “And the deal was great! $2499 included airfare, hotel, meals, everything…except booze!”
“Frankie Moran went to Ireland with the Skinny & Houli Show, that’s like having Irish comedian Pat Roche with you for the whole trip! And so did Dean Vallas, Mary Ann Wilson, Mike Miller, Brendan O’Brien, Mary Ann Moran, Skip Carey, Denny Kearns, and Froggie McGuire!”
You’ll start to sweat then when God says, “I’m not sure if heaven is the right place for you! You had the opportunity to experience a mystical, almost supernatural event and you passed because you wanted to wait and go “some day”. The nation of Ireland needed your help, 2013 was the Gathering and you opted not to go that year because that was the week of the wedding of your second cousin’s horrible daughter? Are you absolutely cracked?”
By then you will be on your knees and begging God to “Send me back and I will go to Ireland with Skinny and Houli for sure Lord! I know I was foolish, I know now I should have gone, please Lord, send me back so I can go the old country with the rest of the gang before I actually die!”
And the Lord might say, “I can do that, I can send you back to the beginning of August. But you have to call Cathy Featherstone at 847-542-1539 or email her at triseasonsgroups@gmail.com and you have to get your deposit to her immediately!”
Yes Lord I will, send me back, please. I want to go to Ireland.
“Why, why do you want to go to Ireland with Skinny and Houli?”
Because I know it will be fun, romantic, memorable, and I will be laughing so hard and crying tears of joy to travel into the mystic that I will never forget it.
And then the Lord will tell you, “And because life is short kid, don’t forget that!”
Sure hope you can make it before you die. Ireland with Skinny & Houli, Oct. 17-24th. See you in heaven!
N.B.-As we went to press it was announced that international Irish singing sensation/fiddle player/flute player/and Irish dancer Kathleen Keane, (pictured above), will be joining the Skinny & Houli Ireland Tour as our musical guest! Kathleen will serenade us all as we explore the auld country! Don’t miss this preview of Heaven on earth!
